Things I've "Stolen" Since Cora Was Born

Landon just came home and reported some news that will cause me to have nightmares tonight.

Here is a link to the actual story, but the gist is that a family was shopping in a Safeway grocery store. The family was traveling with their 2-year-old daughter, and the mother was 8-months pregnant. While in the store, the mother became lightheaded, and so she consumed a chicken salad sandwich from the deli while shopping. They paid for their goods, and then walked out of the store. Outside, they were stopped and returned to the store because the mother forgot to pay for the sandwich she consumed. Based on store shoplifting policy, the couple was arrested, spent about 3 hours in the slammer, and the child was in state custody for 18 hours. Holy Camoley I would be a complete and total wreckola!?!?!?!? And, Landon would throw such a fit that they would need to put him in a solitary confinement cell.

Given that I have a young child and am also approaching the advanced stages of my pregnancy, you can probably see why I sympathize. In addition, several regular blog readers have been with me for my "stealing" incidents since Cora has been born.

Three incidents immediately come to mind.

I was shopping with Jamie Burden Allison this summer at the outlets in North Charleston. She and I both had kids in strollers (Jamie with Annabelle, I with Cora), and I found a great deal in Old Navy. A small black purse and a pair of black flats with cute zippers (I wear these all the time!). I stuck the items on top of the stroller, continued shopping, a few minutes later Cora got feisty, I opened the stroller top causing the items to fall into the stroller folds, and you can see how this proceeds. Jamie and I were out of Old Navy heading towards our husbands when I closed the stroller top, saw the contraband, and screamed in the middle of the outlets, "Jamie, I just SHOPLIFTED!!!!!!!!!". After getting ourselves together from the cackles, I marched back into Old Navy where I again exclaimed, "I just SHOPLIFTED!!!!" The lady looked at me like I was nuts, asked if I wanted to return them or purchase them, and then sent me to the counter. To them, this apparently was a non-incident. Thank goodness! That could have been slammer experience numero uno.

Then, on my birthday, I was shopping with Heather Messal (Landon had Cora, so I cannot hide behind the frustration of having a child but I did have a slighly protruding belly that I was able to play-up). Heather has fell in love with that cute accessories store next to J.Jill (not Handpicked - I am blanking on the name), and since it was my birthday, I was treating myself to some new accessories, too (technically, Mom was treating me, since I was spending bday money from her. Anyways). Sometime while there, I also slid a bracelet on my wrist to try it out (it was a bit chunky even for me). I purchased about $70 worth of gifts for myself and others (including an adorable Mimaw Eb utility hammer for Summer for her shower), and Heather made a hefty purchase, too (I won't reveal how much she spent). But I will say that this dinky $10 bracelet on my arm would not have been a dealbreaker for either of us that day. We left, headed to Gap, and as Heather was making a purchase I turned around and (again) screamed "I just SHOPLIFTED?!?!?! I am still wearing this BRACELET!" The clerk at Gap smiled, and exchanged a look with his co-clerk that said, "This lady is a little C-R-A-Z-Y". Again, Heather and I had a good laugh, even went on to do some shopping at Belk, before I marched back into "Accessory Superstore" to laugh and say, "Ladies, I hope that this happens all the time. I managed to get out of here with one of your bracelets on my wrist". They were super nice, explaining that it had already happened several times that day, and were probably just glad that they didn't have to deal with Heather and I picking through their sale items for another 2 hours. Lucky break for me! Could have been trip to the slammer numero dos.

Then, just yesterday, I was paying for our goods at Publix and thinking that the total wasn't what I expected (I had a $5 off a $30 purchase coupon, so I was totaling in my head as I went). The bill was $30.12, but I expected to be a solid $5 over my goal of $30. As I was sliding my debit card, Cora proudly put her box of infant's Advil onto the check counter. Aha! Nearly stolen goods. If I had of made if 4 more minutes without noticing, and if we had of been at that Safeway, my baby would have been hauled off to the big house. They might have had a spot for me in that cop car, too. Whew, missed trip to the slammer numero tres.

Thank goodness! I am not sure what I would do if Landon and I both went to jail. The only local home number I remember is Tom Kent's, and that's only because he is the only person I know without a cell phone.

PS - Is eating while shopping taboo? I can't say I do it all the time, but I have certainly popped open a box of Wheat Thins in the grocery or a Gatorade in Lowes before paying, especailly while pregnant.